A gorgeous morning

 I managed to get up early and walk both dogs separately while it was still cool.  It's my first day of  summer break and I have a full schedule already. 

While I missed the official sunrise, I did witness a sky of high cirrus clouds.  These clouds diffused the sun a while, allowing me to get both Gretchen and Fritz walked for 2.5 miles each.  It wasn't as fragrant as Sunday's walk, but it was cooler.

We saw a coyote saunter across the street at the start of our walk, curious of Gretchen's desire to lunge and chase after it.  I made more noise to chase it off while Gretchen said nothing.  The coyotes in this neighborhood are more brazen than in my own:  they leave their feces in the middle of the street, to be admired by the neighborhood dogs.

The sun finally broke out at 7:20am when I finished my walk.  I walked 5.3 miles.

A fragrant Sunday walk

I finally started a dog walk shortly after sun rise.  I have become lazy since staying at CC's and don't walk them until after the sun is up. 

It was 5:29am.  I took Gretchen first, as she is tethered otherwise.  We walked north to the Garden canyon linear park, back south to Kalispell and a loop around the block.  That was 3.5 miles.  I had to rest a bit with some iced tea before taking on Fritz for the western part of the walk as it had warmed up from 59F to the low 70s!

It was a very sweetly fragrant walk.  The cacti and palo verde trees are all in the bloom, and the last of the spring wild flowers have reached their prime.

A woman driving  large SUV stopped to tell me how handsome Fritz is.  She must have seen me walk Fritz before.  

There were plenty of dog walkers out when I was out with Fritz.  I kept my distance to avoid any lunging.  He got me in the end, with 0.25 miles of the walk, when he took off after a rabbit.  I let the leash go to avoid another broken limb.  At least Fritz has good recall and came back to me after sniffing around the empty but overgrown lot.  By the time we were done, just before 8am, it was already 75F.  Today's high reached 90F.

Sweetie's cremains

Jackson veterinary clinic called in the afternoon to let me know Sweetie's ashes were ready for pick-up.  I went there after school and arrived after 4pm.  The vet tech handed me a paper bag.  In that bag was the white plastic urn (made to look like white marble), her ceramic paw print, and a certificate.

I got all teary-eyed again as I looked at that urn.  It wasn't much smaller than Kevin's, who probably weighed twice what Sweetie weighed. He was skin and bones in the end and his ashes aren't much more voluminous than Sweetie's.

I will keep them together, and eventually bury them together.

As I looked around the clinic yard, I noticed dark rain clouds forming over Sonora. The first virga clouds of the season have started this week; rain that evaporates before it hits earth .  It's a nice tease, but real rain will take a few more months.

I

Good-bye, Sweetie

 I've been dreading this day.

A month ago Susan called me and told me Sweetie was not doing well.  She was breathing heavy, pacing the living room, and acting confused.  We tried CBD treats but that only helped for a week.  A veterinarian friend of hers, who saw Sweetie, told Susan that dogs in pain will act restless.

The thought of euthanasia came up.  Susan wanted it done before her June trip to California.

Sweetie's DVM, Dr Watts, had her on Gabapentin and Galliprant but wanted to see her again after 30 days.  The 30 days were this week.  Susan commented that Sweetie should be put down as there was nothing else to do for her pain.

I was conflicted.  I visited Susan a few times in the past month just to observe Sweetie and chat with Susan.  While I did see her act restless, she eventually found a spot to nap for a few hours.  "You're not around her 24 hours" said Susan, reminding me that her insistence was based on her long-term observation.  Afterall, Sweetie had been with Susan since last June and Susan could see the gradual decline of Sweetie.  She had also never been around a dog with dementia.

It was either putting her down before she was ready, or waiting too long and let her suffer.

I arrived at Susan's just before 3:30pm, leaving no time at Susan's to chat or spend time with Sweetie. She opted not to join me.  That surprised me.  I hoisted Sweetie and placed her in the back of the cab shortly after my arrival. 

"She has no idea she will be dead in an hour" I commented, as Sweetie lay there peacefully, in back of the truck that she always enjoyed.  She probably smelled Kevin and that always calmed her down.

"It's better this way" Susan replied.  

I arrived at the animal clinic just before 4pm.

Sweetie's hind legs collapsed as we stepped on the sidewalk, a few steps outside the truck.  I had to hoist her up.  She peed one last time on the pine tree by the front door.  She sniffed around and then we went inside. This was her last act as a dog.

 She weighed in at 56.4 pounds.  The lobby was quiet, with three dogs spread around the lobby.

Sweetie paced in the lobby as I held the leash.  The lobby slowly emptied as we waited. We were called in at 4:40pm and she paced some more in the exam room, walking in circles and panting.  There had to be something else bothering her for months besides the osteoarthritis and the dementia.  Unlike Sadie, Sweetie never "sundowned" late at night.  

When Dr Watts entered the exam room, she commented that Sweetie was walking better than from the previous visit over a month ago, that the medication was working, but then I repeated Susan's words about the dementia, heavy breathing, and restless pacing.  

Dr Watts said Sweetie wasn't ready to go yet and gave me time to "think about it."  She left us alone and Sweetie paced some more.  When her hind legs gave out and she had to sit up, I took her last photo (below).

I was honest with Dr Watts: if I had my own place right now, I would take her home to spend a weekend with Sweetie.  But I don't have a home right now, she would not be safe around the other dogs, and she wouldn't have a comfortable bed. This is why she has been with Susan this past year to begin with.  Susan gave Sweetie a good last year, free from the stress of the other dogs. 

I apologized to Sweetie numerous times.  "I'm so sorry Sweetie, I'm so sorry!" Sweetie tenderly licked my right arm.  If only she knew she had less than an hour to live.

At  5:30pm Dr Watts took Sweetie to the prep room.  I could hear her cry out in pain when the  catheter was placed in her leg.  It was a deep howl I had never heard from her. "She is in pain" the doctor agreed as she returned to the exam room with Sweetie's front right leg bandaged with blue medical tape holding a catheter.  Sweetie perhaps had the beginnings of heart disease, or cancer, for her to be in such pain, she added.   

Dr. Watts then explained the euthanasia procedure and what to expect.

At 5:38pm Sweetie got a sedative as I held her.  Within seconds her body went limp. I let her collapse in my arms as I gently laid her on the blanket. I made her comfortable.  As explained, she began to breathe heavily.  By 5:42pm she got the final shot.  She convulsed a few times as her chest heaved, as if she were choking. Her hind muscles contracted a few times, and then her heart stopped.  Her fur is so thick I couldn't even feel the heart at all, but Dr Watts confirmed via a stethoscope.  She was very gentle with Sweetie.  Watching Sweetie die was much more graphic than watching Sammy die seven years ago.  He, too, was heavily sedated, but when that final shot was administered, his heart simply stopped and I could feel it. 

So there she lay, restless but at peace finally.  My princess warrior was no more.  And surprisingly  I didn't wail.  I didn't cry.  She had been such a fierce fighter to other dogs and animals in her younger years that I never thought I'd give her a humane end.  But she was Kevin's dog. Letting her go meant letting the last connection to Kevin go.  I had to do this for Kevin.  He would have wanted this. He wouldn't want to see her in pain.

I was one of the last customers that day and the sun was low when I left the clinic.  I came in with Sweetie, but left alone.

I remained in the truck for almost an hour after I left the clinic. I felt catatonic. It was already past sunset when I left. I got home by 9pm and was too sad to even go out and explore the Northern Lights that were visible in the night sky.  I took one photo of the northern sky and then went to bed.

Tempe-Scottsdale weekend and ASU graduation

 Eric graduated from Arizona State University yesterday.  His dad Tim, sister Erin, nephew Ethan,  mom (me!), cousin Ulli and his wife Jasmine were all in attendance.  I drove up Sunday morning and came back Tuesday evening.  I enjoyed my time with the family.  Even Tim was civil with me.  This was my first trip away from the dogs for more than 36 hours.

There's a lot to do in the Tempe-Scottsdale area.  It was my first time exploring it.  My previous times in Tempe were as stop-overs, or to visit Eric.  It has never been a trip destination until this time.  I only knew Scottsdale as an upscale town with lighted pal trees at night.

We did most everything together as a "family",  but time was limited in all that we could do:  walk around, hike, visit skate parks.  Ulli and Jasmine only joined us for two meals, Tim stayed at the hotel pool during the day, but most of my time was with Erin and Ethan.  I hadn't seen Ethan since 2021.  He is now 15 years old and will be a high school sophomore this fall.

We began the family gatherings in Scottsdale Sunday early afternoon, just five miles from Eric's apartment.  We ate at a Mexican restaurant, Cien Agaves, then walked around the Civic Center park, a 24-acre open area landscaped with desert cactus, public art, splash pad, outdoor stages. It was clean, well-maintained, and had public restrooms and water fountains.  It was the ideal place to walk around. 

Walking after a meal was one thing Tim and I did when we were married.  I still enjoy walking. The overcast sky and breeze cooled the activity down quite a bit, much to Tim's surprise.  He wanted desert heat for his visit.  I told him the real heat will come later on Monday. 

Our urban walk was 3.2 miles, walking the Scottsdale trail in part along Scottsdale Road going north toward the Arizona Camal.  There was a lot more I hadn't seen and wanted to see, but Ethan was on the hunt for a donut shop as he (and Tim) like donuts like I like ice cream.    We only stayed in Scottsdale a few hours as we had to get ready for the bigger meal later that evening at Molnati's Pizza at the Tempe Marketplace.  That is where Ulli and Jasmine met us.

I did eat a lot during my 2.5 days with the family.  The pizza was disappointing Sunday night, but I will always enjoy walking around the Tempe Marketplace, one of the few malls still doing well due to its many family-friendly outdoor plazas.  We didn't walk inside the mall, but stayed outside to eat ice cream by the splashpad. 

After the meal we stopped for an hour at Eric's apartment, then went our separate ways.  I got a room at the nearby Motel 6 for the night.  I was expecting hotels to be booked solid for the graduation, but I guess most people prefer the nicer, more expensive hotels.  Even Erin said I should splurge more and enjoy some luxury.

Erin, Erin and Tim are late sleepers but I prefer getting up early.  Monday morning I walked south on Scottsdale Road from Motel6 to find a coffee shop.  There were two just a block from the Motel.  The first one didn't have an active walk-up window, but the second one, Bikini Beans Coffee, did.  What a surprise that place was!

Bikini Beans was exactly that:  young women wearing skimpy bikinis while making and serving coffee to drive-thru and walk-up customers.  It's like Hooters for coffee drinkers.  I got  the "new customer!" bell ring.  While the skimpy bikinis were a bit of a sexist display for me, the women were very friendly and the coffee was good.  It was also visited by several families during my visit.

I needed that jolt of java before meeting Ethan and Erin at the Tempe skatepark.  It was Ethan's goal to try out as many skateparks as possible while in the area.  He brought his scooter with him.   He's tall and slender and very active. This was his third park.  We agreed to meet at 9am.  

 

I got there early to walk the perimeter and get a feel for the park that offered pickleball, baseball, soccer, disk, football and a dog park all within the same complex.  I was impressed!  The perimeter was just over 1.5 miles.  It's mostly a paved path, but parts are crushed gravel.  Most of the path is shaded.

We didn't stay long as Ethan complained of the heat.

We even got a small hike up Little Butte in Papago Park, once we figured out the parking.  We had originally gone to different parking areas.  I didn't realize that Papago Park was that big, or that the southeastern part of it is by Eric's apartment!    We got a short 1.5 mile walk through the desert.  Neither Erin nor Ethan were dressed for desert hiking,  Erin wore a dress with sandals and no hat and Ethan wasn't wearing a hat either.

But at least we got to see a saguaro in bloom!  Most saguaros start blooming in late May and the one we saw was just starting to grow blooms.

We departed at 11:30am.  That gave me just over hour to try out the new Tempe brewpub, 100 Mile Brewing.  It's a spacious indoor-outdoor gastropub with spacious seating and a good selection of beers.  It's within walking distance of Eric's place off a multi-use path.  I sat at the bar and sampled a flight of five beers

Our next date was meeting at 1pm back at Eric's to then walk the ASU campus and have a meal before the graduation ceremony at 7pm.  Ulli joined us for this walk, and Jasmine joined us before the ceremony.  This was my first exploration of the campus area, although we stayed in the restaurant area.

The crowds hadn't developed yet.  We were able to walk around at ease with no lines or hassle.  Our lunch was at Mellow Mushroom, a chain pizzeria that I first discovered in Paducah, KY on my last road trip.  Our server, Harry (who reminded me of a very young Kid Rock) was excellent.  Eric then took us to a rooftop bar overlooking the campus right before getting ready to enter the ASU arena.

I was worried about any pro-Palestinian protests that had been plaguing other universities like UCLA, Columbia, even Indiana University where Tim and I went.  But the protest crowd here was small and contained in a small area outside the Sun Devil arena.  There were a lot of campus police keeping busy! 

The graduation ceremony finally began at 7:30am.  We were seated high up, with full view facing north.  Airplanes kept flying over to land at the neaby SkyHarbor airport.  The university president gave a good speech and a Hollywood director, Walter Parkes, was honored with a PhD in movie directing but I was bored for the most part.  Dorothy Tillman from Chicago at only 17 years old earned a PhD in integrated behavioral health.  Now that is impressive.

Ulli and Jasmine left after the ceremony as they had an early flight the next day back to North Carolina.

Getting out of the arena was a challenge.  I rode the entire two days with the family in Tim's rental Toyota Camry.  Once back at the apartment, we chatted a bit before I opted to explore a late-night beer bar nearby, the Spokes on Southern (Ave), where I sipped two pints of beer in an hour and declined a young man's offer of a shot of whiskey who was sitting near me at the bar.  I liked that place and would like to try it out during the day.  It was eight miles from Eric's place; I didn't realize that Tempe was that big.

Tuesday morning I was up early to explore more of Scottsdale.  My focus this time was the area west of Scottsdale Road.  Nothing was open when I got there at 6:30am.  Even the homeless were still wrapped in  blankets on metal benches around the Civic Center park.  What I did notice this time were the many designer dogs out early for walks with their owners.

This was a 4-mile walk focusing on public art and the Arizona Canal.  I had good coffee both at the Breakfast Club and Cartel Roasting on 5th Avenue and discovered a brioche donut shop that Ethan would have loved, Chin Up donuts.  I got there at 9:30, ordered a half dozen, and was told that the shop closes at 1pm or when they run out of donuts.  When I came by the shop was already half out of donuts.  Ethan and Tim both said the donuts were good.

I could have stayed in Scottsdale longer as our next date was at 11am for a last meal together at the Tempe Dog Haus, another chain I never heard of before.  The place is a short drive from the apartment, but we drove together in the Camry.  Now it was hot out, and we sat outside because it was too cold inside.

When we got back to the apartment, Erin learned that their flight was delayed three hours due to tornadoes over Illinois.  (They flew Southwest from Chicago Midway to SkyHarbor and back).  I stayed with them until 2pm, played with their cats Archer, Tesla and Lana, but then had to leave, as I wanted to get back to Sierra Vista while it was still light.  Erin, Tim and Ethan arrived back in Valparaiso at 1:40am Wednesday.  I drove into town at 6pm, stopped at Frys and then the house, then came to CC's at 7:30am.

The little family reunion was now over.  I had a better time than expected. I got to spend time with Ethan, Erin and Eric, got to know Tempe and Scottsdale, and even was able to still get my five miles of walking every day.

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/22/us/dorothy-jean-tillman-chicago.html#:~:text=Now%2C%20She'll%20Go%20to%20the%20Prom.,health%20at%20Arizona%20State%20University.