Weekend with my mother and a family reunion

The news about my mother left me paralyzed all day Friday. I lost an entire day of working on the house. All I managed was a long walk with Gretchen We all eventually die, but in my mother's case, it's a story of lost opportunities. She never allowed anyone, especially any of her five children, get close to her. She always had to be in control. The plan was to spend the weekend with my mother whom I haven't seen in ten years. I didn't realize it was that long until she reminded me of that. Both Iris and Mom were surprised that I agreed to visit her, which surprised me.It's not that my mother and I are estranged, it's that we simply don't mesh well. She always finds a way to put me down. To avoid negative feelings about myself, I took the easy way out and didn't visit her. It's a complicated story. I got up early to walk Fritz around the neighborhood. He was the first dog out the gate. I left the side gate improperly latched and Zeus, CC's dog, got out. He doesn't get walked much so he probably enjoyed his freedom, running to back yards with dogs so he could talk with them. Luckily Jay saw his silhoette as he walked past his window and he helped me coral the dog back home: Jay with treats and me with a short walk around the block. It's a pretty drive to Sahuarita via the backroads, but I ended up taking I-10 to the Houghton Road exit, then backtracked south to Sahuarita Road, I still remembered the route! Mom lives in Rancho Sahuarita, a gated community. Luckily someone was ahead of me and I was able to drive in. Iris never gave me the gate code as she and her fiance were picking Jason and his wife Ela up from the airport. My sister Alex was due in at 2pm. I arrived at 1pm. I was alone with Mom and her husband Bill. I was afraid of what I would see when I saw mom. Iris had said that she was frail and had lost a lot of weight. And she had, but she still looked beautiful despite her 88 years. Her straight nose and that clear skin made her look younger.

She was lying low on the couch, almost swallowed by pillows. We chatted comfortably. I was more at ease than I thought I would be. She didn't disparage me, or talk badly of Kevin, whom she never liked. Why did it take me ten years? I know the answer, but that answer is mute now. All we have now is the future. Iris, her fiance Matt, Jason and Ela, all came back by 3pm, followed by Alex 30 minutes later. I always enjoy seeing Jason. Of all my siblings, I share the most in common with him. He loves mountains, cycling, hiking and road trips I n a campervan.

 We had a large dinner at the Arizona Family Restaurant in Green Valley where I had a mediocre taco salad that barely had any refried beans in it. More importantly, though, was being with family Jason and Ela were still too jetlagged from their 36-hour flight and delay from Germany and they went to their hotel room right after dinner, and Iris and Matt did the same. That left me alone with Alex and Bill in the evening. Mom was already upstairs asleep. It had been years since I had spoken with Alex. Kevin and I flew to her wedding in Orlando 14 years ago. She is now a mom of two, but her marriage to her Matt has staled over the years. Matt is a great father, said Alex, but a negligent husband. I know the feeling. Alex left at 10pm to go to her hotel room. She had flown in from North Carolina. 

 That gave me an opportunity to walk around Sahuarita Town Lake, an artificial lake stocked with fish. The lake was the reason Mom and Bill moved to their home, as Mom always liked water sports. In her younger years, she'd kayak on the lake. Here I was, walking the 0.93-mile perimeter, remembering when Mom forced me to kayak with her on the lake. I've never had upper body strength like I have lower body strength, but kayaked nonetheless to make her happy. She always had an intense look on her face, which she still has today, and that look can be misunderstood by strangers as anger. I see that same look in me at times. The lake is officially closed after sunset, but there were a few anglers along the shore. No one bothered the other. I got up early Sunday morning to repeat the walk around the town lake, where I could see the various water fowl, enjoy the flowers, and see the many two-story homes qvetched on small lots. I expanded my walk by continuing along the Wilderness trail west of the lake. The arch over the trailhead intrigued me, so I ended up finishing my walk along this paved path that envelops Ranch Sahuarita to the north. I had walked over 6.6 miles, over four which were on the Wilderness trail which should have been named the Saguaro trail as I spotted three beautiful crested saguaros along the route.