I'm glad I had an early work-out before heading out to school. Things quickly changed once I got to the high school.
My sister Iris called me while I was driving to the high school. I don't pick up the phone while driving, and the truck isn't set up for bluetooth to take hands-free phone calls, so I let it ring. She called me again once I got to school. I texted her to apologize for not answering earlier. Why would Iris call me twice? This had to be urgent. I thought of my stepdad Tom. I feared the worst.
Then I noticed a text message from my nephew Ulrich (Iris' son)
Hey Connie, I messaged you on FB but I know you are not on it that frequently.
I'm sorry to hear about Tom. Let me know if you want or need to talk.
I knew then that Tom had died and Iris was simply wanting to tell me the news. And here I was in a classroom unable to just excuse myself and take a phone call. I messaged Mike (Tom's youngest son from his second marriage) and then Jason, his oldest son from his marriage to my mother. Mike is also the executor of Tom's will and a licensed lawyer in MA and RI.
My heart sank. This is news I had been dreading. Tom had been in failing health for years, from his colon cancer, diabetic episodes, and most recently, his dialysis which he began last fall. He had been losing steady weight the last few years, like Kevin, and walked with a cane, like Kevin. Neither man took care of their diabetes. He always downplayed his health issues.
He had survived so many health disasters but survived them all, starting with a heart attack in late 1984 after which his doctor told him if he didn't quit smoking, he wouldn't live to see his younger sons Michael and Stephen graduate from high school. I was preparing to begin basic training that December. Jason was just 13 years old. That heart attack forced him to quit smoking, but he never gave up his processed food/high sugar diet.
I've always felt close to Jason. Of my four other siblings, he's the one I'm comfortable with. He's the one I share the love of the outdoors and travel with. We have similar likes and passions. We have the same humor. And even though he's lived most of his 52 years in Germany, whenever we do get together, we act like we hadn't been separated by a vast ocean. We always pick up where we had left off from our last visit. Our last visit was Christmas 2017, when we both traveled to Culver, IN to be with him after another Tom's scary lower intestinal infection over winter break during which he needed 24-hour care.
Despite his frequent hospital visits while in Culver, this was the place he wanted to settle in after retirement. Massachusetts, where he worked and retired from, didn't appeal to him. Everyone there was a "Mass-hole."
I began texting with Jason non-stop while still in the school parking lot after school let out. Jason is not taking Tom's death well. Like me, this is the day he had feared since that 1984 heart attack. He had visited Tom last September with his German wife Ela when Tom still lived with Iris in Lititz, PA. Tom was already very weak and spent most of his time in bed. Iris already then was telling Jason he needed to make new living arrangements for Tom because he had become a burden on her busy work schedule, especially now with her latest boyfriend spending nights there. Tom was always demanding of everyone's time, especially Iris' since she has training in nursing.
There was so much to talk about with Jason and I still needed to get home. Students were busy with after-school activities and it was comfortable in the truck. Fritz was napping but glad I was with him. I wasn't worried about being locked in campus, but I felt I needed to wash my sorrow with a strong G&T and drove on home. It was 2331 hours in Munich and 1531 hours in Sierra Vista. Jason already warned me that he had been drinking beer and was looking awful, but that we could do a quick video chat once I got home and settled.
Video chat. Why had I never done that before with Jason? It's the only way to talk to someone outside the domestic calling area without outlandish telephone rates. I don't have Whatsapp or Facetime apps, but Facebook's video chat works well enough. Jason suggested we try that mode and it worked. I was able to connect right away. I could see Jason's exhausted face and he could see mine. We ended up talking until 1711 hours (5:11pm); we chatted nonstop for over an hour. I drank my triple-shot G&T and he vaped his nicotine.
None of the front yard dogs gave me any hassles while I was talking with Jason. They were all glad I was back home and didn't cause any drama. I never did take them out for an evening walk. I was emotionally drained by the end of tonight's event.
The longer the night drew on, the more sad I became. Tom's death sank in. Tom had always been very family-oriented. He was a great stepdad when I was a teen living with him in Landstuhl, Germany. We did grow apart these last few years when his nationalism under Trump came to surface. Despite that, he always made it an effort to see me, Erin and her boys whenever I was in Indiana. Even if that meant making the uncomfortable drive from Culver, IN to Valparaiso or Crown Point, IN, a drive of an hour to 90 minutes each way. He had his favorite restaurants we always went to and he always insisted on paying the bill. We all knew to acquiesce to his demands. And he always, always adored the young boys Ethan, Owen and Benjamin.
I talked to Eric, I talked to Erin and Ethan before the night got too long, then spent the rest of the night, way past 2am, reading old blog posts of my visits to Indiana to see Tom and Erin. I regret now not posting photos of the family for privacy reasons, but I will add some photos of Tom now.
Death is inevitable, but what bothers me with Tom's death is that he was supposed to move to Lititz so that Iris could be there for his many medical issues. He trusted her medical knowledge. He wanted to be closer to family so that they didn't have the burden of traveling to off-the-beaten-path Culver, IN whenever he was hospitalized. He didn't want to be alone and I'm sure he didn't want to die alone. But in the end that is what happened because Iris couldn't handle his demands anymore, especially with a new boyfriend.
Three months before his death he took the heart-broken demand to return to his hometown, Culver. I knew he was scared the day he called me last October to tell me that he had to start dialysis or else he would die. I could hear the trembling in his voice. He was never very good at following doctor's orders. Perhaps he knew that his end was near. According to Jason, Tom was found dead in the walkway between his house and his garage early yesterday morning at 5am, by his caretaker contracted to drive him to his 3x weekly dialysis in Indianapolis.
Tom lived to be 78 years old. He served the US Air Force (USAF) for 20 years and was a Vietnam War veteran. He would have served longer had he not had his heart attack and three-month inpatient stay at Walter Reed Army Hospital outside of Washington, DC. He was proud of his service and always spoke well of the Air Force, even after being forced to medically retire before making the rank of Lieutenant Colonel. I'm sure his pride in the USAF is what convinced my son Eric to join the service, instead of the army that I joined.
Tom wanted to be buried in the family plot in Culver, IN. Michael will let us know when that can be arranged. Getting the entire Curtis family together, however, will be an issue because his second son Stephen is Stationed at Fort Lewis, WA; Michael in Boston; Jason in Munich; Tom's sister Colleen in Florida; brother David in South Carolina; youngest brother Lindon outside of Atlanta; me here in southern Arizona, and various nieces and nephews across the Midwest.
No comments:
Post a Comment